SEX

First off, sex is a taboo topic... Second, my friends, coworkers, managers and others read this blog...Third, this blog post isn't meant to embarrass my husband or myself... Fourth, sex is important and changes after chemo... Fifth, don't continue reading if this topic makes you uncomfortable... Sixth, I hope this particular topic will help other survivors

I chose not to have sex after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I've been married for nearly eight years and have been with my husband for nine. Obviously a cancer diagnosis wasn't foreseen and the whirlwind of doctors, concern, worrying and chemo put a damper on my romance. When you're waiting for your diagnosis and to learn next steps, having romantic relations isn't a concern.

I started chemo within a couple weeks of diagnosis and thought about sex a few weeks in. However, I also thought about my chemo side effects and read how they might affect sex. There are stories of dryness, pain, tearing, etc. due to vaginal tissue being soft and similar to the tissue in your mouth. When I learned of my vaginal ulcers in the second month of chemo, it was compared to mouth ulcers that many patients get (again, similar tissue). Surprisingly, or not, sex sounded awful, scary and painful.

During cancer, you want comforted from those you love and in a relationship that comforting usually comes in the form of kissing, hugging and having sex. Even after I got through the vaginal ulcers and started my second round of chemo drugs I was still scared. My husband has been amazingly supportive and agreed that the potential pain wasn't worth it and we would try post chemo.

I am extremely lucky; my husband is beyond supportive and was more worried than me about how my body had been changed. Other women I've read about have sex, despite their discomfort, because they are afraid of losing their husband or their husband straying. I will say right now if that's a concern during cancer, please re evaluate your partner of choice. You need and deserve someone who is just as concerned, or more, of hurting you, making you uncomfortable or forcing you into a decision you don't want to make. Sex is important in relationships, but so is trust, love and all of the other fabulous things that make good partnerships great.

It's been over six weeks since chemo and my husband and I tried sex tonight. We are in the countdown til surgery and it's the last time we will be together with my current body. I was absolutely ready to give it a try and he was supportive of trying, stopping and doing whatever felt comfortable to me. First, my body has definitely changed. Positions don't feel the same, it's like there is a pressure or uncomfortableness that wasn't there before. I wonder if I became like a virgin again, each position just felt weird.

It didn't feel bad necessarily, but not right either. I had a little blood and discomfort after while using the restroom and feel that it was a good first try. We both needed to feel that closeness, but it would have been nice if it felt great. I plan to try again tomorrow, it's our last chance after all before I am down for a few months with a different body.

I personally recommend to women to try sex at your pace. If you're worried about the changes that have or are happening to your body, consult your doctor but more importantly listen to yourself. I can't imagine trying sex during chemo, you're tired, dehydrated, in danger of sores and more likely to get hurt. However, that's just me, chemo and cancer affects everyone differently. Your experience might be different, but remember it's your body and you know what's best.

Yes, I'm home from Myrtle and what better way to welcome me home... ;-)