Final Chemo

My final chemotherapy is tomorrow, March 24, 2016. First off, FUCKIN' A!!!!! It has been five months of going to my oncologist's office to infuse poison into my body to combat breast cancer. When I first learned of my need for chemo, I was prepared for tiredness, nausea and the unknown. Luckily, the chemo train has only encountered a few unknowns. For the most part, tiredness and fatigue have been constant companions.

I didn't realize how life changing being on chemo would be. It's like you're in a secret club, only other chemo patients, and your oncologist, understand what you're going through. Terms like chemo brain become a joke, because it's real, and if you don't laugh you'll cry. I tend to be scattered brain at times, but on chemo it's hard to focus let alone multi task. As a person who prides herself on being able to take on multiple tasks and excel at juggling a busy schedule, chemo slowed me way down. Planning for a dinner seemed like a chore, trying to commit to a rescue event became a challenge.

I am thoroughly looking forward to my very last chemo appointment tomorrow with pride and awe. I did it.... I made it through five months and sixteen rounds of chemo. This is where kicking cancers ass comes into play. I still have my job, my friends, my rescue community and family; I don't believe anyone has felt alienated and I still feel like Randi. I know that I still have Herceptin infusions through the end of the year which has a few side effects but the worst is behind me.

My wonderfully fantastic niece Sidney made me a poster to proudly display tomorrow for my last chemo day. I couldn't be more thankful of her taking the time to focus on me and making me smile. At 13, I imagine hearing your aunt has breast cancer is overwhelming and she has been a supporter. I have seen many women on Facebook proudly display their similar posters and truly didn't understand the big deal. Now that it's my turn, I get it, I survived... I'm able to talk about my experience with a smile and a hug if needed to a newbie boarding the chemo train.

The only setback may be my low white blood cell count but I'm not even throwing that to the universe. I am confident I will show up with my poster, blanket and T-Rex Mortimer ready for pictures and congratulations. March 24th will become a date I remember and hopefully my last time I enter chemo into my Google Calendar. Thanks to everyone who has cheered along the way; your support has been invaluable in getting to this point. Look for me on Facebook, I plan to check in around 2 tomorrow and hopefully post my selfie, including my poster and Mortimer, once my blood test comes back good to go.

Almost time to schedule my pedicure...

Showers

I normally LOVE showers! I feel that the best way to start my day is a shower; I feel clean and awake. I am not one to skip a shower. I prefer to be late and get my shower in than on time not feeling clean. However, since cancer I have missed at least one shower a week. I am now a person that is content waking up and moving seamlessly from my bed to my chair and a half with no showering. It's weird, frustrating and worth talking about.

Now when I shower, I am reminded that I have cancer. I don't have pretty hair to wash, I don't have hair to shave and I'm using mild cleansers on my dry, sensitive skin that I wouldn't normally use. I no longer have the beautiful smell of my shampoo and conditioner or my fruity shower gel. The constant smells that are never changing just linger after my shower. The feel of my head is sad, I miss my hair. Although I don't traditionally fix my hair, I now know that I do enjoy the feel of it in my hands and down my back.

My eyebrows are pretty much gone so I also have no desire to wash my face. It just feels sensitive and smooth instead of clean after a good wash. My hair is starting to come back on my legs, but since I bleed just looking at a razor, I'm not shaving yet. I also still have this damn dog bite that won't heal and can't imagine putting a razor so close to my already open sore.

I realized today that I need to renew my license in June, and it will be a picture of my red face with no hair. This is disheartening.... I know it's just my license, but nobody wants a picture reminding them of a difficult journey for the next four years. A quick solution is to lose my license once I'm looking better, thank you husband for the suggestion.

I guess the good news in this shower situation is that I'll be bathing lightly after my surgeries so I'm kind of getting use to not showering which will help. I am trying not to get ahead, but I'm hoping by fall I will enjoy showering again. I want to feel clean and pretty everyday like I use to. I appreciate everyone that tells me I'm beautiful and strong, but really I just want to enjoy my shower again.