I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer October 12, 2015 and became cancer free May 17, 2016. I am still missing hair, but there is some fuzz coming in. The color is still debatable, possibly grey, blonde or dark blonde. My previous hair was reddish brown, long and curly. It is weird to officially think of myself as a survivor. I'm no longer a cancer patient, I went through the chemo and surgery to get to this point.
The state of my hair still causes people to want to hug me, say I'm beautiful, I'm brave, tell me their personal connection to cancer. I guess now I can say that prayers aren't needed, their support isn't necessary; I'm cured. I now fall into a new category of post cancer. I no longer have to worry about next steps, at least for that leg of the journey.
My next leg is recovery and moderate surgery to correct my breasts, stomach and under my arms. My surgery in May was major and will certainly leave scars. The revision surgery will even my body so although there are scars, I won't be misshapen. This next step is three months out; during that time I'm to recover the best I can. My stomach is starting to separate, but the plastic surgeon is keeping an eye on it. My right side of my breast and underarm are very painful. I'm hoping the swelling will go down, the pain will lessen and I will be able to sit/lay/walk comfortably soon.
I'm still stuck in the recliner; I long for the comfort of my bed. I'm three weeks away from returning to work, hopefully enough time to recover and sit at my desk for eight plus hours doing office work. I'm definitely not looking forward to that part of my normal routine. I'm a little addicted to watching shows dedicated to tiny houses and day dreaming of a little more simplicity in my life. I'm thinking of what I really want to be doing, and sitting in my cubicle for forty plus hours a week isn't it. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that I have a great job, with great pay and benefits, with the fact that I'm just not happy going there. However, the job is a necessary evil to pay for the house, the cars, the dogs, the cancer.
I am working to live in the moment, and enjoy my quiet days and nights as I heal, emotionally and physically. I am working to truly enjoy my life and understand what it means to get a second chance so to speak. I am working to appreciate all I have and recognize that only I can change my future path. I need to figure out how to start this next chapter, cancer free.
