I returned from an awesome week in Austin, Texas knowing that relocating back to my home state was the absolute right choice for me! I love the weather, the people, the vibe, the open mindedness, the lake, and dogs that were everywhere!! I reconnected with a friend from high school and my favorite cousin and his fiance. I met a couple of new friends and found a realtor I really like. We drove around the city looking at small rentals for the price of my current mortgage and discussing how big a yard my dogs need and how will I fit all of my shoes. It was a true testament to the amazingly hot housing market, including rental, in Austin. I saw duplexes, single family homes, places that were 700 and 800 square feet. Each visit made me wonder how I'm going to down size, there aren't basements and very few garages in that city. Where would I store Christmas and my rescue stuff?
I met such nice people at each bar and restaurant I visited. I enjoyed walking around the lake seeing tons of people out being healthy, walking their dogs, running, and bicycling. It made me imagine myself enjoying the fresh air, walking, checking out new spots. I loved driving around the city in my rental car imagining myself driving during rush hour, going tubing on the lazy river nearby to Austin. I have always thought that I would return home, I've been in Ohio 18 years, and never admitted to myself that this place is home. I've lived in my current home for the longest amount of time at one address, I can't believe I've made it through a few licenses not changing the address. I have made nearly every friend I have in Ohio, the thought of starting over to find new friends at 38 is scary as hell. I have a friend who transfers with her job every few years and is resilient and makes new friends in each city she lives. I know that I can do the same, but I'm trying to decide if I want to.
Is my want to move to Austin because I've always told myself I would go home someday? I'm trying to figure out why I haven't identified Ohio as home. I can hike trails here, go to dog friendly restaurants, hang out with my friends, and keep my furniture and my house where my dogs are welcome. I can continue working out, when I'm cleared to do so which feels like forever, I'm still in pain from surgery. I am able to go to a professional hockey game, every now and then catch a Longhorns game when a sports channel has some sense, continue my work in rescue and transport to Mansfield, Ashland, and on occasion North Carolina, in Cbus. I'm watching The Mindy Project currently, highly recommend it's on Hulu, and the main characters fiance suggests moving to Austin and finding a weekly barbecue joint. I am a pescatarian, there aren't too many bbq spots that welcome "my kind", lol.
I'm worried that I've been running since leaving my job and am very scared of returning to reality. I've thoroughly enjoyed traveling, waking up whenever the fuck I want, reconnecting with family and friends, and seeing parts of this country I never thought I would. I am concerned that I won't find a great job with great benefits that I truly enjoy. Perhaps I'm just trying to keep running by moving to another city, and starting over, except I'd have to sell my house, downsize considerably, find a job, find a place that will take my dogs, leave most of my friends, identify that I'm from Ohio but really Dallas although I've been gone nearly two decades. Cancer really fucked with my head, and I know that I wouldn't have made a lot of choices I've made if I hadn't gone through the journey. However, I'm still positive that the journey has continued through twists and turns for a reason, I don't regret any of my decisions.
I'm not sure where I'll be in a month, the next quarter, or 2019. What I do know is that I'm going to continue being open to new experiences, feeling okay if I change my mind, comfortable with people questioning my choices, okay with feeling alone (although it feels pretty often), and moving into 2018 with fervor and excitement. Although my year started with another fucking surgery, obvious confusion about my future, and yet more fucking awful online dating experiences...... it's going to be okay, life is going to work out, and the next stop on my journey will present itself as the universe feels it needs to.
