Family

I spoke to my stepmother today, she's my father's widow, who I don't think I've spoken to on the phone in a very long time.  It was a nice conversation, we talked a little about my recovery, her dogs, and her and her boyfriend visiting Ohio from Texas.  I was happy to reconnect with a family member. One thing cancer has taught me is that life is short, unexpected and the phrase "carpe diem" rings true. I personally have sucked at keeping in contact with family members since my father passed away going on 10 years ago.

I always felt that some of my father's family kept in contact simply for my Dad, they would never contact me when they came to town, or invite me to anything but that conversation could have gone both ways.  I could have tried harder to keep in touch and vice versa.  Today, it became clear that I don't want to continue holding grudges that aren't really there.  I realized that friending family on Facebook is an easy step to trying to reconnect, I am a cancer survivor which means I could have died.  That's pretty heavy.... but honestly, we're all going to die.  Whether it's by sickness, accident or what feels like boredom sometimes.  There is no reason not to reach out to family, even if they aren't the closest; you don't have to do holidays but maybe a Saturday at the pool, or casually catching up for dinner.

I followed up the phone call by sending friend requests to my uncle, his wife and both kids. We have always gotten along but have never been close. I always felt like an outsider. When I was young I would be reminded that my Dad adopted me when he married my mother which didn't feel like something that needed to be mentioned. As silly as this sounds, I never felt adopted, I was 3 at the time. As I've grown older it felt like this side of my family wasn't really family, we never celebrated together for holidays or birthdays and didn't go out of the way to see one another. I assume this is normal for many individuals and families.

I miss my Dad very much and always felt obligated to see his family while he was alive even though I considered them more like distant relatives. I hope they aren't offended reading this but I think they'll understand. As I'm moving through my post cancer journey, I'm trying to find myself in many ways and this step is definitely a part to be played. I feel good reaching out, even superficiality through social media, to connect and maybe begin communicating. I've spoken of the positives of having cancer, this is definitely one of them. I have been able to connect to some wonderful people via Facebook that have gone through cancer, known someone who has or are just supportive of my journey.

I've been told that my blog has also been helpful for those that aren't sure how I'm doing, how to reach out or are just curious of the whole thing. I logged in today to my blog and my page has 9410 views and 1 follower. I'm not sure if this means there are that many people interested or after one post they peace out and 1 lonely person actually follows every post. Either way I hope each of you gains something from my posts; even my personal ones that are more me having a personal moment more than discussing a cancer aspect. As I wind down and get ready for the sandman, I'm reminded of when I decided to start this blog and the sole intent being to chronicle my cancer journey. I'm happy and relieved that I'm still here able to chronicle cancer, chemo, surgery and beyond. It means I made it, I'm a survivor and a normal 37 year old woman with a new chapter in her book.