Therapy done right

I saw a counselor today, he was very nice, I've seen him before. Pretty much he recommended I attend a breast cancer support group, AA and a one on one counselor to see which is the best fit for me. I honestly have stayed away from a support group because I didn't want to be surrounded by "those people".... You know, other breast cancer having women.

My boss stated my situation perfectly today. I am finally having to accept that I have breast cancer. I have lived in a state of awareness refusing to move to the next state of acceptance. I just fucking hate that I have it, I hate talking about it, I hate living with an invisible disease that could kill me, I hate that there is no reason for me to have it, I hate that within a month of receiving my Masters I learned that my whole life would change for the worst, I hate that I can speak first hand about chemo, I really, really hate that my body is going to be forever changed this month.

I don't know how to travel gracefully between these states, why do tears have to be involved?!! I so hate crying but am coming to terms with the fact that this damn journey is partly a trail of tears. This stupid journey has so many twists and turns, I have no control!!! Man that pisses me off, I like control!

Today was a good day even though I cried, saw a therapist and had a profound realization that I in fact have breast cancer. I enjoyed a Dr Pepper, my favorite, had a bunch of kickass people reach out offering support and hugs and am going to look for a breast cancer support group. Thanks to y'all for reading my blog and letting me know you're there for me.