Chemo makes me tired with flu like symptoms. It just plain sucks and I feel like I have the constant flu with aches, chills, etc. I finished my first round of chemo meds and start my next round of new chemo meds next week. Good news is less nausea, bad news is continued fatigue and diarrhea. Like I need any more reason to hate the bathroom.
I still don't feel like I have cancer, I would never know if it weren't for the chemo. I have one of the better cancers, treatable, I have a plan of action and know I'm going to make it through but it still feels weird. My tagline is currently, "I got the cancer", what else do you say to people? I'm still working which is expected on this type of chemo but I really, really wish I could just take life off for the next year and do what I want to do on my good days instead of work.
My husband is amazing and picking up my slack with no complaints but it would be nice to help clean, laundry, etc. on my feel good days. Instead I'm at a desk, working.... It should come to no surprise to those who know me that there is always something I'd rather be doing than working. I truly believe we are meant to win the lottery, our marriage has seen the worst yet we keep trudging through. We deserve a flipping break, at least one years worth.
I'm not counting on 2016 to be this year as cancer will continue and lead the way to surgery's but maybe 2017 will be our year. It feels as though I'm just floating through life with no clear goals and its annoying. I refer back to an earlier post where I mentioned a marathon, I know that isn't realistic but I do need to have a realistic goal that would motivate me. Yes, I have cancer and I need to focus on me but I'm not getting younger and I just feel stagnant. Hard to explain I guess.
I think coming home from work, eating and going to bed is wearing on me like corduroy pants. Loud and annoying. I understand staying positive and living in the moment but it just feels like "meh" in the words of Lyndsay...
You do have a goal - to beat cancer! You are also selling yourself really short as you have achieved so many goals before you were forced to take on this current one- yes, you now have to achieve something that wasn't in the game plan, but just consider it a deviation and before you know it you will be right back to the ones that you chose as well!
ReplyDeleteOh Hannah I couldn't of said it better.
ReplyDeleteSo many goals achieved already and many more to come.
It's just getting through this cloud period of time is achievement enough!!
Hang tough baby girl and remember it's okay to relay on those loved ones. You are very fortunate to have Chuck, ( wonderful husband and friend) as well as many other cherished friends.
If you start wearing corduroy pants..... Just teasing Randi, Here is the thing, I know you have cancer, you know you have cancer, and pretty much most of your friends and family know you have cancer but that isn't stopping the take on the world Randi we love. You have grabbed this journey like, ok! got cancer got to get moving and get shit done! We will keep getting shit done I promise! And it won't forever have to be cancer.. Just for now..
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