I'm there....

I am at the point where I just want to get in my car and drive. No destination in mind, just go. Leave my life for a few months and explore, feel, think, really consider my options, really review my life. I would obviously come back, I have a house and four dogs. However, just the thought of truly getting away is so enticing. The only things stopping me are money, my job, the house and my dogs. These are pretty big reasons why I can't just go, but this thought is present in my dreams.
I dreamed recently that I just shoved everything off my desk, screamed, "I'm fucking done!", transferred all of my money to my soon to be ex husband to care for the house and dogs and I got in my Escape, and escaped. I knew in my dream I would be back, but in that moment, I felt so free and capable of accomplishing anything. Yes, it was a dream, but dreams often are our subconscious working through issues lurking in the background. This dream wasn't realistic, I can't leave a great job with no money and just drive away. It doesn't work like that. I'm not a Kardashian, with money for no reason, able to get on my private jet and soar to a new destination. I'm Randi, owner of a Ford Escape, house in Grove City, program manager for local government, and dog mom to four furkids. My life is here, in the now, no matter how much I would love to take a break, it isn't in the cards.
I am sure many, many other people feel the same, possibly for better reasons. It would be nice if there was a pot of money available for this exact reason, to just take a hiatus from life, or at least current life. You would continue living...
For now, I just keep doing exactly that, living. Going through the motions, finding joy where I can. Exploring my current city, learning more at my job, figuring out where my part is in rescue and dealing with issues as they arise. My boss recently told me I live in a state of chaos, and she was so right. I am used to having my world swirling, constantly worrying about one thing or another. Never really having calm in my life, it is exhausting. Every time I think I am through one trial, there is another just waiting to take my time and resolve. At some point, I must be creating these situations, at some point I should have the opportunity to take control. I'm just not sure how. My life has always felt like a challenge, constantly battling foes, facing demons and working through a maze. It's a continuous game that I never win.
I need to work on how to get to the end through a less convoluted route. It's like the book, Who Moved My Cheese, there's a better way, I just need to find it.