7 a.m. Sunday

It has been 16 days since I announced my pending divorce. What have I been up to... Well, bought a new car, love her, named her Snow. Working on a refinance for the house so the dogs and I can stay, Chuck will be looking for a rental so he can move by the end of the year. My sister is also looking for a rental, so soon it will just be me and four dogs (assuming the kittens go to rescue). Yes, kittens, two females approximately 6-8 months old. They are unbelievably sweet, but have got to go. Hazelnut wants to eat them very badly so they have to live in a crate in the basement. Fingers crossed they have a new home soon.
If the refinance doesn't go through, then I will be on the rental market which totally scares me. I don't only have four dogs, two are chows, and considered restricted breeds at many places. I've contacted a few landlords and so far, no luck. If this option becomes reality, I will become an emailing fool with dog resumes in hand. It was hard renting before, I can't imagine now. I will probably be on the lookout for a room mate if we stay in the house, it's a good size for just me. That option seems pretty feasible.
I'm still talking to a therapist which I really enjoy and changed my pills to help with the depression and anxiety. Although I know this divorce is the right choice, I'm still living with my current husband and we are trying to find balance in the room mate/friend zone. We have known each other almost ten years, I don't want this friendship to be thrown away. I know we can save it. It's just going to take time and distance from each other. Finalizing the divorce and living separately will help immensely. I'm not saying it's going to be cake and roses, or in my case, pecan pie and craft beer; but, I am saying we both respect and like each other. We know each other's secrets, likes and dislikes.
I also don't want to throw away the relationship I have with my stepsons. I won't be their stepmom anymore, but being in their lives has definitely changed me for the better. I hope I've changed their's a little for the better too.
I am apprehensive about dating, or even the thought. I haven't been on a date since 1-20-07, when I met Chuck after meeting on MySpace. I read a story in Glamour magazine in the check out line yesterday about women who post in their online dating profile that they are breast cancer survivors. I love that. It's in your face, strong willed, fabulous women saying they've been through a lot but are open about their journey. The idea of sex is really scary, I haven't had much for a long time and it's been painful over the past year when I've tried. When I'm ready to date, there will be interesting conversations and I'm sure I'll meet some dicks.
I started this post at 7 a.m. today, the fluffies woke me up at 630 a.m. for breakfast and outside time. I'm starting out this week with a colonoscopy, woohoo! I can calm my fears about colon cancer. I had my pap last week and am anxiously awaiting those results. I'm hoping negative for those cancers also. One of the worst things about this damn journey is knowing your increased risk for other cancers. I try to not worry or focus on them, but it's hard. After all, a year ago I thought I was cancer free....