New year, same cancer

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks but that doesn't mean I have nothing to say, ;-). The new year has brought new chemo meds that still make me tired and constantly feel as though the flu is coming on. I'm still keeping a positive attitude but had a tough day last chemo. I received notice of a potential job that I had applied for and was at first excited of their potential interest which grew into frustration at the realization that taking on a new position isn't the smartest move.

My husband and BFF both told me not to let cancer stop me from replying with interest but the realistic part of my brain knows I'm not 100% and taking on a new position would be difficult, not to mention having to take time off for upcoming surgery's. Don't get me wrong, I have an awesome job and they have been nothing but supportive. I'm just ready for a change, and having cancer isn't the change I mean...

I felt angry that cancer has given me vaginal ulcers, caused me to feel drained 24/7, made me frustrated and angry, took away a potential opportunity, made me no longer enjoy Beer or whiskey and overall just sucks. It's good to be upset for a minute, I talked to my husband who shared my frustration and didn't tell me everything would be okay. He just listened which is what I needed.

I had my eighth chemo treatment today, only 8 to go. I'm definitely ready to not miss so much work to go sit in a chair and have poison pumped into me. I've had a few dreams that I have colon cancer, hoping this isn't a preview of my future. Overall I try not to worry about well everything, but there are moments that make me pause.

I forget that breast cancer kills until I read a story or hear from a family member. It's scary stuff and keeps my husband up at night. I think it's weird when people tell me to keep fighting but I guess not being overwhelmed and staying positive are the best moves I have. Not quite a one two punch, but close enough.