D-i-v-o-r-c-e-d

You read that right, I'm divorced... After 8 1/2 years, my marriage has officially ended. A decade long relationship has turned into a friendship. Although we both feel our marriage ended a few years ago, or longer, it became official at 8:31 a.m. today. For those that have never divorced, the amount of time it takes to get married is significantly longer. Our appointment was at 8:30, the judge asked a few yes or no questions from both of us, agreed to the divorce, signed the document and bam! No more husband and wife.

Although I can come off as a bitch, emotionless, hard and cold.... I do recognize that today is not an average day. A union has ended. My reign as stepmother has ended, at least officially. My partner is now a friend. My heart is free to search, wander... conquer. I totally high fived him after the hearing, I'm not sure what would have been appropriate but a high five is my go to.

I feel strange, excited, relieved, happy and a little sad. I still want the best for him and in a way am sorry I wasn't the best. 2016 has been such a roller coaster; cancer, chemo, becoming cancer free, big surgery, divorce, figuring out who I am again. Today, December 29th, I became a single woman heading to Boston to celebrate the new year. Today I moved from wife to friend. My status changed from stepmom to other mom as Nate describes me. I changed from living with my husband to living with a male room mate.

In true Randi fashion, I had coffee with a good friend and came to a bar for a beer and whiskey. It's nice being in an empty bar; I'm able to listen to the music, enjoy my IPA and blog in peace. I know that I will internally process my divorce at my own pace; I will work through any feelings that appear; I will grieve the old in hope of the new. I highly recommend marriage to those that want a partner in crime, a best friend who they love to kiss, a body they want to sleep next to, a person to grow old with after the body, and possibly mind, fail.

I am quite confident I shouldn't have gotten married, I think our relationship changed the minute I Do's were said. I'm just not marriage material I don't think. As I venture into dating, this is a fact I feel comfortable and confident in sharing. I was told recently that I can be intimidating, scary and hard to talk to. I come off as a my way or the highway kind of gal; this doesn't concern me. I am who I am. A friend yesterday told me that you either love me or are scared of me. I imagine many of you understand this sentiment. I am strong, stubborn, independent and for the most part know what I want. I like my coffee black, beer hoppy, whiskey straight and dresses A-line. I love craft beer, making a difference in dog and cat rescue, being a dog mom, a good friend and am proud that I'm loud. I am honest, up front, talkative and straight forward. I'm not for everyone, but not everyone is for me. I wear a smile more than a frown and would rather have a beer than argue.

I'm now classified as a young divorced breast cancer survivor. 2016 has changed me in ways I can't describe, and don't want to. I'm working towards going with the flow, loving myself and feeling comfortable in my own skin. I'm looking forward to 2017, how will my story change? What new chapters will be started and closed? As always, thank y'all for your love and support. I wish each of you a happy new year; be safe, but a little wild. End your 2016 chapter on a high note.