Showers

I normally LOVE showers! I feel that the best way to start my day is a shower; I feel clean and awake. I am not one to skip a shower. I prefer to be late and get my shower in than on time not feeling clean. However, since cancer I have missed at least one shower a week. I am now a person that is content waking up and moving seamlessly from my bed to my chair and a half with no showering. It's weird, frustrating and worth talking about.

Now when I shower, I am reminded that I have cancer. I don't have pretty hair to wash, I don't have hair to shave and I'm using mild cleansers on my dry, sensitive skin that I wouldn't normally use. I no longer have the beautiful smell of my shampoo and conditioner or my fruity shower gel. The constant smells that are never changing just linger after my shower. The feel of my head is sad, I miss my hair. Although I don't traditionally fix my hair, I now know that I do enjoy the feel of it in my hands and down my back.

My eyebrows are pretty much gone so I also have no desire to wash my face. It just feels sensitive and smooth instead of clean after a good wash. My hair is starting to come back on my legs, but since I bleed just looking at a razor, I'm not shaving yet. I also still have this damn dog bite that won't heal and can't imagine putting a razor so close to my already open sore.

I realized today that I need to renew my license in June, and it will be a picture of my red face with no hair. This is disheartening.... I know it's just my license, but nobody wants a picture reminding them of a difficult journey for the next four years. A quick solution is to lose my license once I'm looking better, thank you husband for the suggestion.

I guess the good news in this shower situation is that I'll be bathing lightly after my surgeries so I'm kind of getting use to not showering which will help. I am trying not to get ahead, but I'm hoping by fall I will enjoy showering again. I want to feel clean and pretty everyday like I use to. I appreciate everyone that tells me I'm beautiful and strong, but really I just want to enjoy my shower again.