New Year's Day

As I'm sitting here eating Jell-O and drinking vegetable broth, preparing for my colonoscopy and upper endoscopy tomorrow, my heart is heavy.  Today, the 1st day of 2018, a friend is grieving her husband who passed away suddenly yesterday, and another friend is across the country saying goodbye to his mother as she succumbs to cancer.  There are few to no words capable of describing what they are going through; it is hard to see those you care about suffer knowing you can do nothing for them.  The first day of a new year always feels like an opportunity to do anything to improve yourself, to take those to do's off the list and get them done, to take a hard look at your life and make a conscious choice to change what's negative, throw away toxic people, start taking charge of your health, begin looking for a job or career that fulfills your heart and soul.  This day is just a day, any one of us are capable of making these changes throughout the year, on a Wednesday, or in June.  The beginning of a new year feels like a fresh start, you've never lived in 2018 before, you've never woken up on this January 1st. I'm not one for resolutions, if you want to change, improve, make better choices, do it.  Don't wait for the start of a month, or a Monday, or a new year.  Look at yourself in the mirror and decide that today, this moment, is your chance.

I started this blog over 2 years ago, which seems insane to me.  I've continued to go through so much since the date I was diagnosed, and I continue to struggle and work through my failures and faults.  In 2018, my goal was to not have a surgery, however the opportunity presented itself to have a breast reduction and cut out some scar tissue that threatens my self-esteem daily.  This surgery is elective, to a point, I don't have to have it to cure cancer, or acid reflux, or prevent cancer.  This surgery is to improve my mental health, help me move past what cancer has done to my body.  I'm starting out 2018 with goals I've always had, improve myself, mentally, emotionally, physically.  This year, I am going to continue to evolve and identify what's important to me, reach on my tip toes to touch the stars that often feel just out of reach.  I have officially been single for a year, and I've learned a lot about how fragile I can be when a guy rejects me, ghosts on me, or is just plain mean to me. I value my self-confidence, it is one of my greatest qualities, and plan to continue being awesome into the New Year.

I hope that each of you were able to wake up this morning knowing you had another day ahead, another day to hug your loved ones, call those in your life who are far (physically or emotionally). If you have chosen to identify resolutions to yourself, keep them realistic, and actionable.  I will continue going to the gym, regardless of how much I truly hate working out; I will continue feeding my soul through volunteering and helping those who can't help themselves; I will continue searching for a career that makes me happy, and want to go to work each day; I will continue trying to be a good friend, daughter, sister; I will make 2018 a year to remember.